Hiya Riggers
Rigpig wrote:
Mogster, I don't envy anyone bringing kids up in todays Britain I really don't. Life is so much more complicated than it was when we brought my two up in the late 80s and early 90s.
I think having small kids and a succession of fosters (short) PLUS two long term ( the services and ourselves agreed that the current two long term placements with us would benefit those kids.. who do challenge. I think I did mention the older of them had a rather nasty history of drink and TWOCing cars .. which we have reined in .. but it takes effort .. and I will freely admit I did want to thump him more than once .. It has been .. still is a challenge.. but I think we make some progress. My twins are of the same age as him.. they help... by taking him out with them.. introducing to their set of pals.. and I have to conclude by visual evidence and observation that the right kind of peer pressure .. which is enforced by firm parental controls .. does help these kids. All they need is a firm set of parameters really.
Why do we foster? I suppose we love youngsters and we just feel we should help as much as we can and are able to.
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Mortgages, choosing the best schools, worries about drugs and bullying - what a nightmare.
Well.. no mortgage now ... thank GOD! I chose a school which I think instils discipline into our own kids. I send our adopted children to the same school as our own "produce of our marriage"

.. but the fosters.. I have to send to schools as chosen by the "authority". Both me and Wildy help with homework.. liaise with the teachers and - longor short term stay with us.. we treat them the same as we do with our own children. I think all those placed with us enjoyed living with us as they always send us birthday and Christmas cards - plus the odd progress letter - unless with us for a fortnight as a baby/toddler .. and these are mostly if parent was in hospital or needed a break from caring for a toddler and elderly dependent.
But .. as said .. this is a large family and whilst me and Wildy have demanding jobs.. we also have almost one young adult - and almost adult children who are 100% reliable and we also think our fostering enhances their development to adulthood as well.
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Admittedly some decisions were easier to take for us, as a young RAF corporal we lived in a service provided housing which was comparatively cheap and my wife made the decision to suspend work until the kids were at primary school; a decision that was extended by a tour in Cyprus so she only returned to work when the youngest was 9. Not such an easy decision when paying ones mortgage depends upon two wages (although I do think some could compromise on their pre-kid luxuries a little more than they seem prepared to).
Riggers ... I think we have to make choices. I may run a Jag.. but it;s an estate family version. My wife is allowed to indulge herself given the past.

But.. I also have a

People carrier .. which is slowww but steady. Now fairly middle aged in car terms .. it's a four year old now.. but still "feisty and sturdy" for us. I bought as a five month old at auction .. which save me a fair amount of cash

I will buy another in the same way as and when I need to ..
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I wonder how some of my colleagues cope, the phone rings and its the wife at work or the school saying Tommy has just puked up and needs to be collected, so one of them has to drop everything and go home.
I also think we've elevated the status of the child a little too highly in our society as well; I would never have thought of consulting my young kids before accepting a posting even if I had the choice to.
Riggers .. I think some think of kids as "adults" instead of children. I will take on the concerns of my kids above age 12 .. but I do not think my younger kids .. bright as Lukas, Andrew and little Racheal are.. have as yet the intellectual development to dictate.. but I will listen and usually rule contrary to their liking

. and have a periodic "sulk" over it .. which passes

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When continental families take their kids to a restaurant, they don't run amok squeeling around the place which many let their kids do here. No wonder some folks without kids resent this intrusion.
Ahhh.. discipline.
I think me and Wildy made it very plain to our kids that we expect self discipline and polite behaviour.
I think the fact we insist always on a sit down at table meal together.. complete with wine and Elderflower presse or Ame herbal or water in a proper carafe on weekday meals seems to instil some kind of discipline in the ranks. I do relate to my own upbringing and my wife to hers .. and it is a bit of a blended "culture" in reality.
Plus some guidance as to how to talk at table without intruding on another's enjoyment.
But. .. perhaps culture, discipline, respect, self respect and love of family life may be a part of this elusive equation.