Safe Speed Forums

Apparently....These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in the NHS

1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.


2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.


3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.


5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.


7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


9. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.


10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.


11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


12. She is numb from her toes down.


13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.


14. The skin was moist and dry.


15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.


19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.


20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.


24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.


25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.


29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.


30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.


32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.


33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


=

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

I'm sure I can add a few more on this theme Grabby

I dropped an embarrassing clanger just the other day which I kicked myself for.

I was just leaving a patient, a lovely man, who sadly has MND. To paint the picture, people in the late stage of this condition have no movement below the neck.

As often happens when you have met someone nice many times, you become friends too as opposed to just a patient/professional relationship.

So when I was leaving him and was just going out his door, after he thanked me for my help, I replied "You're welcome Dave, take it easy".

"Take it easy"??? What else is he going to do FFS you idiot Tony!

I'm sure he will have taken it as intended, not literally, but what a stupid thing to say.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Excellent!

If it makes you feel any better Tone, a certain lady not a million miles from me was guilty of the classic:

"...and what seems to be the problem, Mr X"

without looking up from the notes when she was a junior casualty officer. On looking up, she noticed the man had a fondue fork stuck right THROUGH his hand!

The notes had said "foreign object, back of right hand".

17.

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Driving fast is for a particular time and place, I can do it I just only do it occasionally because I am a gentleman.
- James May

#1 reminds me of an exclusion clause in some travel insurance I was considering. Excluded if you are suffering from or have ever suffered from a terminal illness.

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When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
When I see a youth in a motor car I do d.c.brown