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 Post subject: Caption Competition 13
PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 10:30 
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I haven't forgotten!! I sent this to Claire to clear a while back but I guess she's too busy with other stuff right now, so I'll stick it up anyway.

Not the best one ever methinks but let's see what y'alls can come up with to raise a smile :lol: Let the funnies begin :D Usual rules apply, all cash incentives/bribes/offers/diamond stuffed rats greedily accepted :D

Image

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 10:45 
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I feel like I have had as many jobs as vehicles in that scene! (Still couldn't find it on the site ... copyright unknown, so if anyone knows please contact me immediately!).

I can see how that can be 'solved' though ! The 2 cars that have left room would allow the cars that didn't to 'escape that way (depending what is to their right ... they may have to 'be allowed' to exit the wrong way to help the situation! ... then that frees up the left side and that gets everything going, although many may need to go alternative routes to 'escape'). Other blocks are clearly happening to the road to the left of frame so other areas may also need to be 'freed'.

I recall a London jam once and it took ages to clear, the traffic lights held everything up!

It looks to me like the tram that has caused the greatest solid problem, and all those that have also failed to leave a gaps for others to take their exits !

A prime example of selfish behaviour x 100 or so!

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:14 
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Quote from Edinburgh councillor ..... "The new tram system has completely removed conjestion from out streets"

There was a rumour in Edinburgh that a tourist had dropped a wallet containing a £5 note at the big roundabout!!

I've nothing against Edinburgh!! ... well not much :lol:

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 17:54 
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A BRAKE spokesman commended the government on its new "Zero speed = Zero accidents" policy.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 18:24 
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Brake say, that the new 5MPH urban speed limit, will cut emissions to virtually zero!

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 19:17 
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Billboard sticker to mate......"funny, this part of town used to be traffic free, until we started putting posters of
Kyle in her underwear, up!"

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 19:21 
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Telford officials are pleased with their new Town Centre traffic scheme, saying..."We never doubted that running traffic two ways would improve traffic flow!" .....(Local issue on the agenda...;-) )....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 21:43 
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I think that's a great one Zipps. I see Grabs is up to his usual sortie tactic. :lol:

"The car in front, behind, to the left and to the right is a Toyota".

"Locals hear Big Tone is in town". :)

"Locals hear Grabs is in town and try to get the heck out of there". (He he). :D

"Speed blamed for fatal accident of snail. A BRAKE spokesman said if they had the hand brake firmly on it was entirely preventable. It is the snail's right to listen to his iPod while crossing the road"

You know what upsets me about this true story? If only Sydney, the snail, had been taught the Snail Cross Code and hadn't been listening to 'Born Slippy'.... (Groan)

:coat:

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You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 23:34 
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"I'm glad we decided to come into town before the rush hour."

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 09:10 
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Inspired by Graball's Kylie captions :bow:

After the County Down field debacle, Rihanna has chosen a new location to continue filming!

PC Dribble .... "But Sarge I was bursting, I had to go for a pee"

Half an hour after Simply Red had announced they'd be doing an impromptu concert that night, all the exits from the city were totally blocked.

Just arrived traffic officer to driver of white van on left ..... "Driving on the pavement eh? right .... you're nicked!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 09:46 
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"I don't believe it!....That bl@@dy speed camera's just flashed me!"

Husband to wife..."What do you mean, I need to leave a bigger gap from the guy in front?"

"I'll just drop you off when we get to the next corner!"

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 10:33 
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The problem with driving in this city isn't so much getting home it time for dinner, it's getting home before your MOT expires!

"Hah .... and you said always carrying camping equipment and food in the car all the time was really dumb!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 14:56 
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"I'm getting worried, they've forcast snow for next week!"

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 13:09 
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In order to celebrate the completion of their new city center traffic scheme, CAPITA organised a staff treasure hunt.
The winner gets a free parking space for the next 12 months.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 13:28 
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CAPITA admit that the new traffic system was actually a ring on the map caused when a member of the planning team put is coffee mug down on a junction!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 17:39 
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Husband to wife..."You pop and do the shopping and I'll see you back at the next corner in two hours."

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 19:49 
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"Muuuummm ...... I really really really need a number 2!"

"We'll just have to eat the kippers and cheese now, we're not gonna get home before the use by dates"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 14:09 
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Reports are coming in about a sudden unexplained spate of electric handbrake failures!

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 17:25 
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Quote:
Reports are coming in about a sudden unexplained spate of electric handbrake failures!


:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I remember this roundabout being free flowing until they brought those new fangled trafficators out...... :twisted:

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:37 
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"And so the latest congestion charge system starts to operate in a nearby street causing a few to seek alternative routes" the local paper reports ...

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