Quote:
"Now Mr Cameroon , your last job" - UK Prime Minister "
Now it would be more like:
"Thank you Mr Cameron.
You say your qualifications include a degree in Politics, Philosophy and economics and you previous employment was a Prime Minister.
Have you looked at the Jobsearch unit ?
No. Ok. We'll just look here then. Hmm, no positions come up for Prime Minister (didn't Mr Farange get on well at the last election ?)...Ok, we'll look at positions requiring PPE degrees.
No, most positions require useful degree status, things like Mathematics, English or a Science degree.
I think we're looking at either work placement or workfare here.
Now, you do understand that this is a voluntary scheme where you attend a place of employment (such as Tesco stores) for a period of time (say 12 weeks), at the end of that time we will both look at your achievements and decide if you deserve a permanent position.
Pay ?
Oh, you already get £68.80 Jobseekers Allowance and we supplement that with a travel bonus for your placement period and you MAY qualify for a family bonus as well.
Oh, I'm sorry you do not want to attend.....you DO understand that while the attendance is VOLUNTARY and there is no penalty for refusing to attend, your Jobseekers Allowance is dependant upon you being available for and actively seeking work ?
I'm going to have to refer your refusal of this position to a DECISION MAKER [spoken in a low voice with a hint of awe] who may decide to lower your benefit or suspend it. You do have a right of appeal. Here is your client appointment for the week after next.
Goodbye"