[Edit - Aw heck, this is in the wrong forum. Can a mod move it to General Chat please]
Now done - moderator 
In the Highways Agency thread Ernest Marsh wrote:
There must be several buckets of paint on those two lines!
I dont suppose CRAPITA had anything to do with maintaining our roads??
Nah mate, they were probably painted by the RAF.......let me explain (and potentially bore the pants of you all as well
).
Every year RAF stations are formally inspected by their particular Air Officer Commanding, a pretty senior bod I assure you. Up until a few years ago in the month preceeding the AOCs inspection everyone dropped what they were doing and ironed anything that moved or painted everything that didn't move
Sometimes literally, my dad who was also in the RAF recalls the extraordinary sight of a young airman, having kicked a tin of white paint onto the grass whilst he was painting a bollard, proceed to repaint the grass green to cover up his mistake
Anyway, this particular year in the early 80's my mate and I were tasked with repainting the white lines in the road outside our hangar. No namby-pamby Highways Agency here, it was strictly Do-It-Yourself, or rather we oiks did it ourselves
So off to stores we went to get the stuff we needed, which was an event in itself; military stores are for storing things in, they aren't for giving it out
Unless you issue the magic password -
"it's for AOC's corporal" , in which case vast stocks of paint, polish, socks and other hoarded stuff is unveiled.
So, having flirted with the idea of using a 'white with a hint of peach' shade of paint, but deciding we did actually value or testicles, we grabbed a couple of gallons of white (roads for the painting of), some brushes and rags and headed back to our hangar pushing the stuff in a barrow. On the way we came across (or rather he came across us) the Station Warant Officer, a fearsome individual responsible for discipline and good order on the station.
"What are you pair up to?" he asked. They are also renowned for asking inane questions
"Going to paint the white lines in the road beside 3 hangar sir" we replied.
"Good, thats on the AOCs route, I'll be along later to check. Make sure I can see them when you're done"
So off we went muttering and cursing the silly old bastard under our breathe
We arrive back at our hangar and take a close look at the lines in question, something you don't normally do really. Clearly we were just two in a long line of individuals who had dutifully painted these particular road markings - there was layer upon layer of paint built up over decades, theres a fair chance my old man was here before me. They were'nt so much lines as small linear mounds built up in the road, the crown of some lines was a good 2" high
But we set about our task, opened the first tin of paint only to discover we had grabbed gloss not matt - F&^K
Got to treck all the way back to get some matt.
"Hang on" says my mate, "I've got an idea". He vanishes into the hangar and reappears with a sack of white plaster 'borrowed' from the workmen redoing the crewroom wall. When mixed with the gloss paint we achieve a viscous matt(ish) substance that is more akin to artex than paint yet which achieved the desired result, setting like concrete and adding a good 1/4 inch to the height of the lines. Our handiwork results less in a set of freshly painted lines, more a series of low walls behind which one could have sought cover if under attack
We're just finishing off when our friend the Station Warrant Officer heaves into view on his pushbike. He props it up against the kerb by its pedal, takes two steps towards us and promptly trips over one of our 'lines' cracking his knee on the road and ripping his trousers with their razor like creases.
"Hmmm, still can't see them then sir?" quipped I, at the worst possible moment to do so.
Ever had to remove 30 years of white line paint with a hammer and chisel?
[OK, I suppose you had to be there
]
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