Safe Speed Forums

I suspect that this will make a few on here laugh - and perhaps some cry!!

This is apparently a real passport application letter ...


Subject: Passport Application

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen.

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COAST Not just somewhere to keep a beach.

A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law.

Brilliant!

I can sympathise strongly with the guy. I have recently sent my passport application off to the beaurocracy, and it seems that a serving military officer of Her Majesty's Armed Forces, who has flown royalty from several countries, including our own, and countless VIPs, is not trustworthy enough to vouch for me, but my dentist would be!

Fills me with confidence
I lost my passport moving house recently and need to send off the gumph
What odds will people give me the service will be prompt and efficient??????

I'm new btw

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WARNING! LIFT OFF OVERSTEER CAN CAUSE SERIOUS UNDERPANT MALFUNCTIONS

Handy!

Thank you for that and yes - it evokes...

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Welcome aboard!

Handy - love it!

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Science won over religion when they started installing lightning rods on churches.

Hi Paddy.
I have just gone through passport hell!
Tip one, use the online form and they post you one 3/4 completed
Tip 2 ... sign within the box!
Tip 3... photos must be taken signed and submitted within 1 month otherwise the scroats send them back.

I know this because my mate signed mine, then went on holiday before returning them to me. I sent them off only to have them bounce back.

how much can I change in 5 weeks
Anton

PS the wife got hers back in under 10 days!... she may need a driver to take her up the west coast of the USA to the rockies...

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Speed limit sign radio interview. TV Snap Unhappy
“It has never been the rule in this country – I hope it never will be - that suspected criminal offences must automatically be the subject of prosecution” He added that there should be a prosecution: “wherever it appears that the offence or the circumstances of its commission is or are of such a character that a prosecution in respect thereof is required in the public interest”
This approach has been endorsed by Attorney General ever since 1951. CPS Code

Brilliant .

Similar to this ??
"There's a hole in my bucket "
My youngest was born when I was working in an African country well known now for it's rate of inflation , and looking ahead I got several copies . For some reason or another we can't find any . Given the problems in the land of his birth ,I doubt if the registry office has any records left . His birth is recorded on both our passports ,and although no record of his birth certificate is filed at the British Consulate , records show that a person of his name was born in a certain maternity hospital on that date ,with parents names .

So on that basis he asked for a UK passport - "sorry no " not without a birth certificate (or a driving licence ).

Ok we said -----how do we get a UK driving licence - "he needs a birth certificate( or a passport ) "

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

You could shave your head, grow a beard, teeth whitening and correction, get a tan on a sun bed, and substitute your specs for contact lenses.

Just goofin

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I could shave the rest of my hair off and it wouldn't make much difference at all!

The photo will have to last another 10 years...

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Speed limit sign radio interview. TV Snap Unhappy
“It has never been the rule in this country – I hope it never will be - that suspected criminal offences must automatically be the subject of prosecution” He added that there should be a prosecution: “wherever it appears that the offence or the circumstances of its commission is or are of such a character that a prosecution in respect thereof is required in the public interest”
This approach has been endorsed by Attorney General ever since 1951. CPS Code