Safe Speed Forums

"Steve - Steve Callaghan - I know it's Birmingham , but Big Tone's not violent - you can come out now , SS members will protect you ". ( How this cone got swept so far south ,no one knows)

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

Well I have to confess there are times when I feel I could crush a grape with my my bare hands.

While people are chewing on the caption Botach, as an old fogy like me I'm sure you know the one about what's green and hairy and goes up and down?


I was in work the other day and saw some Plasticine left on my desk! I didn't know what to make of it

The other day I was at a party and my mum's sister was there on the dance floor doing a pirouette. I thought to myself 'oh my giddy aunt'.

“Tone! It’s late and you need to get some sleep!”

Awe, alright then...

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

“Girl on blind date gets big surprise.”

“Cone on blind date gets big surprise!”

Cone says to girl “All the other cones picked on me at school because of my size”.

Government initiative to stop people stealing cones by super-sizing them.


SCP answer to speeding pedestrians. A spokesman for them, Mr McFibber, said “That’ll slow them down and dramatically reduce KSI on our pavements”. He went on to say, “If it’s successful, as indeed we will prove using bent statistics, lies and propaganda, then we will introduce it on all pavements”.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Cone off it , Tone, this has all cone too far now...

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

What have I started; I’m never going to be able to look at another cone the same way after this.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Girls asks cone why he was placed five miles away from an accident black spot outside M&S.

Cone replies “I make more money here”

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Girl to mummy..."whats this mummy?"

mummy...."I hear that it's the Dunce's cap, that big Tone used to wear at school!"

Little girl...."No mummy, I'm sure it would be too small for big Tone"...
Sorry, Tone....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

The last remaining Vuvuzela from the world cup turns up on Birminghams' streets.

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

I'm in charge of this don't forget



And he's redeemed himself

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Don't worry all things cone and go !

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

What the Tone's Cone - flavour - vanilla & orange !

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Girl was sold a skirt that was a bit big and so in disgust drops it off outside the store.

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

"Quick , turn it over - it's a gate for illegals to get in , that way they'll all go home "( with apologies to Stargate fans)

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

Delivery to restaurant of "one large salt seller - fails" !

"Police detain suspect using the new cone capture method"

Fiction novel : narrator "and the girl in the picture says "Cone with me - we will go far", and so they went forth and multiplied. And so that's how the story of, how all the little cones came into being. The End."

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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Girl on picture says "genie -I asked for a big ice cream cone ..............................."

And after an idea an idea from Big Tone - Girl says " I planted these beans yesterday and now I've got this Big Tone( sorry cone)"

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

I didn't think this cone/tone thing through enough when I posted the pic.

If I ever get this 'you won' trophy again I swear I'm going to submit one so obscure that an alien on a planet not far from the "300 times bigger than our sun" will struggle with.

And I have it on secret inside info that they are way ahead of us on Earth! No speed cameras and low KSI but shush!.... We aint there yet, but we're working on it...

BTW. On the news today someone said that 100 Earths could fit across the face of our sun.

Going back to circa 1968, I had a book on Astronomy which said, complete with picture, it is 108 Earths!!!!


Back me up here dcb! My memory is good on that, even if they were wrong back then!!!!

I mean what are the odds of it being exactly 100?

It's 108!!! I learnt that when I was just 10 years old

Soz for the drift



""New picture of cone from planet not far from R136a1 received by NASA”

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Birmingham rep presents it's new play "Jenny and the giant cone"

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

I think I've seen that one Botach. I played the cone

I seem to have unwittingly started another caption elswhere

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Little girl says..." It looks like one of Tone's Coneifers frm his hedge has escaped, mummy."

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Well first of all thanks to everyone for squeezing so much juice from what I feared might be a dehydrated lemon.


For sheer volume and funny I would vote Graball, but unfortunately he fell at the last post when he suggested it was my dunce’s cap Tip – Don’t pee on the judge's leg and tell him it’s raining.

I don’t know if you felt the same when you listed some Steve, that by mentioning some it looks like others weren’t funny. They were all great but some of the 'spit yer beer out' ones for me were: -

Gold - "Councils to deploy stag night resistant road work cones" from theboxers.

Gold - "Five illegal immigrants had discovered a novel way to smuggle themselves into the country - and so far, nobody had noticed the only flaw in their plan... until nearly blind Bridget thought she had found a disposal point for her scooped dog poop!" from Ernest.

Gold - "Shouldn't design cones in metric if you're going to outsource manufacturing to NASA." from Lum. & thinking outside the box there

Gold - "The last remaining Vuvuzela from the world cup turns up on Birminghams' streets." From Graball Funny and topical Grabs


Like others have said it really is soo hard to pick just one, it’s like Sophie’s choice. But there was one which appealed to the completely ridiculous and bizarre side of my nature which personally tickled my doobries, so platinum goes to you Anton for...
I have a very vivid imagination; I even tried to pronounce it.


Big thanks everyone and over to you anton

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.