Safe Speed Forums

"hey grabs, look out the window at my new motor, the geezer who sold it me said it was a right bird puller."

"Not polish Pobov, his English is awful, I think he meant it was a right big digger, Tone."

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

"No, Tone, I said order us a CAB!"

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

A little OT I know, but am I the only one thinking Tone and Graball are posting/arguing like a real couple...?



"Little Vitali's science project was marked down after it escaped and destroyed a city block under construction... only the wheel off the lorry pouring the concrete was left when it had finished!!"

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

A DVLA spokesman admitted that the vehicle did belong to them, but denied rumours that there were any plans to crush un-licensed vehicles at the road side.

"Hey mister, can we have our wheel back?"

Dorothy Dimbulb had seen the fashion store down the road have great success by parking an unusual vehicle outside, she'd done the same but with a different vehicle, and couldn't understand why she now seemed to have less custom than before!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Dad"
"Yes son"
"Remember that Meccanno set you got me at Xmas?"
"Yes son"
"Well I've added a few bits to it myself, want to see what I've made?"
"Yes son ........................... aaarrrgghhhhhhhh WTF!!!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Damn , our secrets out...lol, now Greenshed's going to get really jealous cos he keeps asking me out.....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

I think me, Grabs and Zipps are turning into the three wise monkeys. Well, maybe I'm playing it a bit loose and fast with the wise

Ralph: "Well, do you like it honey?"

Hilda: "No! We agreed on either green or blue you idiot "

Ralph: "Oh stop your nagging, it was steal at the price"

Hilda: "Well can you tell them to steal it back. If you think I'm going in it, you can think again - over my dead body!"

Ralph thinks: "Hmm.. well that's easy to arrange now "

P.S. You're not my type Grabs; you have a pulse.

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Are you sure he didn't say he wanted to take you out... there IS a difference you know!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Yes, that's exactly what he keeps saying...have you been eavesdropping...is my phone tapped....MODS!!!!

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Not the last time I checked I didn't

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

BRAKE's new road de-maintenance vehicle operates at night under cover of darkness.
It creates potholes to supplement or replace the humps that some councils are doing away with, thus slowing traffic.

Each one is tested with a large wheel, which indicates when the pothole is deep enough when it gets stuck in the hole.

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Too close to the truth to be funny....

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Check again! Quick!
Oops, too late! Ooer!

Re: the caption competition, nothing grabs me yet. Can you dig that

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Only when ideology, prejudice and dogma are set aside does the truth emerge - Kepler

"Grabs buys grab machine and grabbed Mrs Grabs only to be grabbed himself by 'the grabs'." Ouch!

I was trying to attempt a variation on Peter piper picked a piece of... – and failed...



2nd attempt...

"Zippo unzipped his zipper and zipped into the grab machine that zipps grabbed from grabs."


Actually, I think I’d pay good money to see that.


Hilda: “Hey hubby, my mother needs picking up from Sainburys. You couldn’t be a darling and pick her up please? You can use my Volvo love”

Alfred: “Sure thing honey” (Volvo my ass, I got something else in mind )

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

"That's the last time I get pi@@ed and buy the 'Ultimate Pick-up Machine' off a guy down the pub!"

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

"That's great that it was cheap dear, now tell me, how EXACTLY are you going to cut the grass with it?!" .... followed by noise of frying pan bouncing off of skull .....

Due to cutbacks and efficiency measures, grave diggers will now have to dig four graves simultaneously!

Police were confident they had found all the victims of serial killer Vincent "Snuff" RightBadyin, until keys found in his house were found to fit this machine!"

Inspector Richard "Dick" Head of Scotland Yard said, "we are confident the bank cash machine robberies will now cease. At 06:43 hours on Moday the 9th while procceding in a Westerly direction follwowing a tip off from one of our best snitches ever oops errrr contacts Bobby "BigGob" Bawheid of 19 Elm Avenue Dundee, and who drinks in the Frogs Head pub every wednesday evening, we discovered this contraption in a rented garage, We are certain it is the device used in the robberies, and thanks to Bobby pointing the finger arrests are imminent."
"I 'd like to thank Bobby personally, he is at the moment recovering from a horrendous unprovoked attack and is currently in intesive care .... thanks Bobby the surgeon has told us modern artificial knees are nearly as good as real ones and they will be able to put your *rse back in nearly the right place eventually, the boys have started a collection to see what can be done about your teeth, currently there is £2.47 in the kitty, get well soon mate all the best."

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Ummmm how much you offering? ......

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Yeah most chavs do have scooters" said Kev "but I like to be a bit different see ... init"

"Scuse' me mate, is this the place where the streets are paved with gold?"

Angela couldn't understand why all the boys thought she was a gold digger!"

Nigel was expecting to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, not something to dig for a pot of gold with!"

"I'm telling you officer, it really did fall off the back of a lorry!"

Officials are now considering whether "drunk in charge of a vehicle assembly line" should be a specific offence.

At the F1 pre season press conference, JCB show off their new contender, team manager Jeremy Loosenutz said "we recon our innovative anti overtaking system will give us a significant advantage, damage to competitors cars that attempt to overtake will be very extensive, and we expect to be right up there winning races even though this is our first season,"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"I know I'm weird and scary-looking but I still deserve love and I've been in the sun too long today" "Won't someone please rub something soothing all over my body?"

A bystander reported that Zipps, Grabs and Tone was seen to be running away from there as fast as they could although Mrs Marsh, who lives in the same road as Grabs, said he was seen to be furtively walking back later for some reason.

Hmm..

Disclaimer: Any similarity to people or names in this film, er thread, real or imagined is purely coincidental and....

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.