Safe Speed Forums

Mrs Gatsobait got this on email and it gave us both a giggle:
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This is a fairy tale that all women should have been reading as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

"I don't f ing think so."
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler - Einstein

Now thats MY kinda girl

I spent my afternoon being patronised by an estate agent who *thought* he knew something about cars while I was fitting a new alternator to mine... I think he might have felt a little insecure by the time I'd finished with him...

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Science won over religion when they started installing lightning rods on churches.

Sixy- dynamos were more fun - connect the field to the output to the estate agent , start up and watch his hair curl.

I'm just puzzled as to how an estate agent came to be watching Sixy change an alternator!
Presumably Sixy wished to do this under cover, and having no garage, decided to *view* a house which HAD a garage, and did the job while the estate agent stood by offering advice!!
All you do is attach a long wire to a plug lead, ask loitering wise man to hold the end, and turn the motor over!!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Bonus points are awarded if he's also standing in a puddle.

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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler - Einstein

An elderly 'Uncle' told me of his time in Egypt during the war. He was guarding planes on the runway somewhere, and a local Arab worker took to relieving himself against one of the plane's undercarriage, instead of using the latrine close by.
A member of the RAF groundcrew objected since they had to maintain the gear, so they wired up a portable starting magneto which was normally wheeled to a plane on a trolley, and left the wire dangling under the undercarriage of the plane.
Soon enough, the Arab turned up at the right spot - and as soon as he had formed his own little puddle was heard to scream in extreme discomfort, and went running off clutching his groin!!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Heard of similar using drain pipe and meggar to deter dogs from using drain pipe on outside of terraced house - problem was that once one dog got the treatment others came to investigate.

Insulation testers (meggers) provide hours of entertainment.

Scenario 1
Take one large coil of pyro (thats fireproof cable to the mortals), bare the ends, apply leads from megger to bare ends and hit the button to charge it up.
Simply sit back & wait for some unsuspecting schmuck to grab the bare ends

Scenario 2
Take one very fine strand of copper wire and wrap it around a toilet bowl
Throw some water on floor of aforementioned toilet.
Connect one lead of megger to fine gold wire, throw the other lead in the water.
Wait for someone to take a piss & hit the button

If you are feeling particularly sadistic in either of the above scenarios, set the test voltage on the megger to 1KV

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What makes you think I'm drunk officer, have I got a fat bird with me?

Another use for a megger in your barrack accomodation.

Wait until one of your 'mates' is in the bath and chuck a couple of wire with croc clips on the end over the wall. Commence lowering the wires. You don't even have to have a megger, you'll soon hear your victim thrashing the bathwater to froth in an effort to evacuate.

Now...amusing things to do with a gyroscope..

Edit added as an afterthought..



Does that sound as bad to you as it does to me after reading it a second time?

Yes!

Take a 12 volt HT coil, a PP9 battery, and an ex-GPO relay. Wire up the relay to supply 9v to the coil, and the relay. As the relay is energised it flips off the power to the relaycoil, and the HT coil. Result is coil is energised intermittently, and from the single outlet on the top, you can take a thin wire to nearly anything metal, OR a puddle etc.
With a better battery and a 6B pencil, you can even electrify a pencil line by putting a drawing pin with fine wire into the line!!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

So that ist where I went wrong... should not have kissed him - should have grilled him instead ... (all those kittens .. )

That girly - also my kind of girly...

Ist amazing - but when I talk car to a bloke (apart from relatives und pals) - ist almost like I talk unladylike language I also smell (so told) of cars und garage too... slight hint of Castrol mingled with the heady scent of petrol, leather ...

But it get me noticed in crowd (along with the lacy sttockings und my sinewy gait.... und my mane of natural auburn hair - with no grey bits despite the kittens ...)

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Nicht ganz im Lot!
Ich setze mich immer wieder in die Nesseln! Der Mad Doc ist mein Mann! Und ich benutzte seinen PC!

UND OUR SMILEYS? Smile ... und the the world smiles with you.
Smiley guy seen when you read
Fine me for Safe Speed
(& other good causes..)

Greatest love & Greatest Achievements Require Greatest Risk
But if you lose the driving plan - don't lose the COAST lesson.
Me?
Je ne regrette rien!

Ernest - take one matchbox, a bit of an antistatic bag, and a capacitor(condensor to oldies).
Charge capacitor, place in matchbox and add a small piece of antistatic bag to each end, bend ends of capacitor over bag.
Place in area where matches get nicked and wait for howl.Never seen matches go walkies again after that.

I had a piece of equipment at work - high pressure UV lamp, and the running kit included a capacitor the size (and shape) of an old fashioned Cadburys Cocao tin.
When I binned the kit, it had not been switched on for a day or two, and I STILL got a belt off it as I unwired it!
I have a good deal of respect for capacitors and CRT tubes in old fashioned tellies - I found out why they crackle when you turn them off the hard way too!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Actually I was doing the work in the street outside my house because I don't have a garage. He was showing the house next door...

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Science won over religion when they started installing lightning rods on churches.