Safe Speed Forums

Ok I know I've been a bit slow in getting there ..... but then Tone hasn't exactly been speedy about handing over that gold cup , haven't even been any denials that he's sold it ..... but Iv'e finally found a new competition image .....

So dust off the grey matter, give your funny bone a good whack, and lets see if y'all can raise at least a titter, I'm excusing myself from this as my viagra supply seems to have gone missing ... ooops to much info methinks ... :p



I'll start off ....

Hiya Ivan, in response to your advert "Lady with own tractor required for farmer, please sent photo of tractor", here is a photo of my tractor!

_________________
You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

In response to claims their new digger looked like something from a horror film, JCB immediately released a model in PINK.

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

The most obvious difference between this and a giraffe, is that the digger has HYDRAULICS

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Big Tone's answer to the governments suggestion that people should walk to work!

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

"What do you mean, it failed the MOT!"

"You should see the size of its web"

"New from JCB, now you can be more productive than ever. We'll start painting them yellow when sales reach two"

I gave you the cup Zippo but you sold it to pay for Viagra. I wouldn't mind but that was only a week ago you bad boy.

Actually, your user name gives nothing away about your gender. If you're a hot woman give me a call..

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

A Dudley resident fed up with speed humps claims he has the answer. His regular ride can dig one up in just a few minutes!

He also claims it does not need to be taxed...

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

I'm taking it in for a tracking check tomorrow, it seems to be crabbing.

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

"Good job we saw those thieves before they took all the wheels!"

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

The new apprentice at JCB couldn't remember if his boss said it was supposed to have four wheels and a bucket or four buckets and a wheel but he's sure that he's got it right...."

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Greenshed gives up submarines and decides to declare war on speeding drivers at ground level. Saying..." At least now when I start to dig a big hole for myself, I can dig a REALLY big one!"

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Giseppi the unicyclist was really peeved to get made redundant from the circus, but after two days in his new job at the council, he soon made a few changes to make life easier.

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

Kiev residents are adamant that Cheronobyl has had no lasting effect on local wildlife.

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

You see folks, this is the difference between me and Grabs.

I just fire the shot gun whereas he takes the pellet apart and lobs individual lead bits at ya.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Does it do its own jump start?

I say you're in front so far Tim

Nice one.

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

Well yes a box did arrive with a sticker on that said "Caption Competition Cup" but all that was inside was a pair of ladies tights, a blond wig, a pair suspiciously large size stiletto heel ladies shoes, bright red lipstick, a pair of bicycle clips, a gas mask, and some very cheap perfume, so if you'd just pop the cup into another box and send it over I'll be more than happy to return your ummm paraphernalia .... I find it useful to remember where I put stuff I don't want other folks to come across, and not send it off to complete strangers by accident.

I'm only a hot woman on Tuesdays and Thursdays when Mrs Zippo is out at the boozers with her pals, so which day would you like that phone call big boy , Tuesday or Thursday?

_________________
You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Err.. I think this constitutes a major topic drift Zipps and we need to pm in future ..


Me: "Doctor, I think I've got a very unusual case of crabs".

Doc: "I wondered why you asked me to come outside"

Me: "So can you prescribe something to help?"

Doc: "Yes, stop posting on the Caption Comp on Safe Speed"

Me: "Will that help with my giant crab problem?"

Doc: "No, but it will stop p1$$ing others off who enjoy being part of SS"

Me:

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I though I was pm ing you, did I post that in the open forum? ooopps sorry mate I didn't mean to embarrass you .... honest guv

_________________
You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Living proof that designers of construction machinery and drugs don't mix!

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!