Safe Speed Forums

The campaign for genuine road safety
It is currently Sun Jan 25, 2026 17:25

All times are UTC [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 174 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Caption Competition 11
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 17:06 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:39
Posts: 384
Location: Strathclyde / West Highlands / Lanzarote
Ok I know I've been a bit slow in getting there ..... but then Tone hasn't exactly been speedy about handing over that gold cup :D, haven't even been any denials that he's sold it :P ..... but Iv'e finally found a new competition image .....

So dust off the grey matter, give your funny bone a good whack, and lets see if y'all can raise at least a titter, I'm excusing myself from this as my viagra supply seems to have gone missing ... ooops to much info methinks ... :p

Image

I'll start off ....

Hiya Ivan, in response to your advert "Lady with own tractor required for farmer, please sent photo of tractor", here is a photo of my tractor!

_________________
You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 17:30 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 00:15
Posts: 5232
Location: Windermere
In response to claims their new digger looked like something from a horror film, JCB immediately released a model in PINK.

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 17:32 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 00:15
Posts: 5232
Location: Windermere
The most obvious difference between this and a giraffe, is that the digger has HYDRAULICS :wink:

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 17:38 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 00:15
Posts: 5232
Location: Windermere
Big Tone's answer to the governments suggestion that people should walk to work!

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 17:42 
Offline
Gold Member
Gold Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 16:34
Posts: 4923
Location: Somewhere between a rock and a hard place
"What do you mean, it failed the MOT!"

"You should see the size of its web"

"New from JCB, now you can be more productive than ever. We'll start painting them yellow when sales reach two"

I gave you the cup Zippo but you sold it to pay for Viagra. I wouldn't mind but that was only a week ago you bad boy. :D

Actually, your user name gives nothing away about your gender. If you're a hot woman give me a call.. :P

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 17:48 
Offline
Gold Member
Gold Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 16:34
Posts: 4923
Location: Somewhere between a rock and a hard place
Ernest Marsh wrote:
The most obvious difference between this and a giraffe, is that the digger has HYDRAULICS :wink:
:rotfl:

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 18:01 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 00:15
Posts: 5232
Location: Windermere
A Dudley resident fed up with speed humps claims he has the answer. His regular ride can dig one up in just a few minutes!

He also claims it does not need to be taxed...

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 19:05 
Offline
Member
Member

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 19:08
Posts: 3434
I'm taking it in for a tracking check tomorrow, it seems to be crabbing.

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 19:06 
Offline
Member
Member

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 19:08
Posts: 3434
"Good job we saw those thieves before they took all the wheels!"

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 19:09 
Offline
Member
Member

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 19:08
Posts: 3434
The new apprentice at JCB couldn't remember if his boss said it was supposed to have four wheels and a bucket or four buckets and a wheel but he's sure that he's got it right...."

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 19:24 
Offline
Member
Member

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 19:08
Posts: 3434
Greenshed gives up submarines and decides to declare war on speeding drivers at ground level. Saying..." At least now when I start to dig a big hole for myself, I can dig a REALLY big one!"

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 19:28 
Offline
Member
Member

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 19:08
Posts: 3434
Giseppi the unicyclist was really peeved to get made redundant from the circus, but after two days in his new job at the council, he soon made a few changes to make life easier.

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 19:31 
Offline
Member
Member

Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 19:08
Posts: 3434
Kiev residents are adamant that Cheronobyl has had no lasting effect on local wildlife.

_________________
My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 20:30 
Offline
Gold Member
Gold Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 16:34
Posts: 4923
Location: Somewhere between a rock and a hard place
:lol:

You see folks, this is the difference between me and Grabs.

I just fire the shot gun whereas he takes the pellet apart and lobs individual lead bits at ya. :P

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 22:05 
Offline
User

Joined: Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:49
Posts: 76
Does it do its own jump start?


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 22:36 
Offline
Gold Member
Gold Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 16:34
Posts: 4923
Location: Somewhere between a rock and a hard place
timtjf wrote:
Does it do its own jump start?
:rotfl:

I say you're in front so far Tim :lol:

Nice one. :D

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 23:48 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:39
Posts: 384
Location: Strathclyde / West Highlands / Lanzarote
Big Tone wrote:
I gave you the cup Zippo but you sold it to pay for Viagra. I wouldn't mind but that was only a week ago you bad boy. :D

Well yes a box did arrive with a sticker on that said "Caption Competition Cup" but all that was inside was a pair of ladies tights, a blond wig, a pair suspiciously large size stiletto heel ladies shoes, bright red lipstick, a pair of bicycle clips, a gas mask, and some very cheap perfume, so if you'd just pop the cup into another box and send it over I'll be more than happy to return your ummm paraphernalia :D .... I find it useful to remember where I put stuff I don't want other folks to come across, and not send it off to complete strangers by accident. :o
Big Tone wrote:
Actually, your user name gives nothing away about your gender. If you're a hot woman give me a call.. :P

I'm only a hot woman on Tuesdays and Thursdays when Mrs Zippo is out at the boozers with her pals, so which day would you like that phone call big boy :D , Tuesday or Thursday? :P

_________________
You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 00:04 
Offline
Gold Member
Gold Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 16:34
Posts: 4923
Location: Somewhere between a rock and a hard place
Err.. I think this constitutes a major topic drift Zipps and we need to pm in future .. :D


Me: "Doctor, I think I've got a very unusual case of crabs".

Doc: "I wondered why you asked me to come outside"

Me: "So can you prescribe something to help?"

Doc: "Yes, stop posting on the Caption Comp on Safe Speed"

Me: "Will that help with my giant crab problem?"

Doc: "No, but it will stop p1$$ing others off who enjoy being part of SS"

Me: Image

:coat: :coat: :coat:


:D

_________________
The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 00:23 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:39
Posts: 384
Location: Strathclyde / West Highlands / Lanzarote
Big Tone wrote:
Err.. I think this constitutes a major topic drift Zipps and we need to pm in future .. :D


I though I was pm ing you, did I post that in the open forum? ooopps sorry mate I didn't mean to embarrass you .... honest guv :lol: :twisted:

_________________
You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 02:11 
Offline
User
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 00:15
Posts: 5232
Location: Windermere
Image

Living proof that designers of construction machinery and drugs don't mix!

_________________
Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!


Top
 Profile Send private message  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 174 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 9  Next

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You can post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
[ Time : 0.037s | 10 Queries | GZIP : Off ]