Safe Speed Forums

Irate motorist fed up of speed camera vans, sits outside the County CPS Offices, awaiting to leap on them, should any van to dare venture out. Having arrived sporting only a wheel left, from the last van that he came across, no one is keen to move.
CPS officials were said to be considering options, but have now deployed the heli unit to catch speeding motorists.
The driver "Ace Crabbie" is offering a lift home to any speed camera van driver, and his fee, is just their van fed to his 'QUAD-dig'.

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The red spider is said to have spun a large web around the nest of Scam vans which are now cocooned in his shovels.
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Safe Speed for Intelligent Road Safety through proper research, experience & guidance.

Some very excellent entries already ... keep em coming

"I'm a lookin fur the crab boat skipper who keeps a murdering ma relatives!"

"Well if you hadn't called me a crabby fish faced tw@t I wouldn't have ripped your wheel off!"

Tarquin was proud of the result of his crab fishing expedition, but couldn't understand why his dad wouldn't let him bring his catch into the house!

Tour guide ..... "And on your right is where Spiderman lives, note the super hi-tech Spidemobile parked outside"

The inhbitants of Alpha Centuri 6 generally prefer to stay indoors during the spider mating season!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Ivan had spent many years alone in the furthers depths of Siberia developing his machine, and it had taken him many many months to walk it to the nearest inhabitation to show it off. On finding this round black rubbery thing, he knew instanly where he had made a BIG mistake in the design!

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"There are several advantages - less tyre wear, and excellent braking... and you can dig your own parking space if required!"

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

"One piece at a time... And it didn't cost me a dime...."

Sung in the style of Johnny Cash...!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Two traffic wardens hiding in concrete box thingy behind machine .....

"You saw it first, you put a ticket on it!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Mafia boss to underling .... "Look Tone, I definitely said get us a f***ing getaway CAR not a f***ing getaway CRAB!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"I assembled it following all the instructions in the Haynes workshop manual!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Sorted!! Nobody is gonna park a foot away beside this in the supermarket car park!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

And again ...... "Should've gone to Specsavers" .... groan

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Yes dear, I know its taken you seven years to build and it is very nice I'm sure .... but you are still not bringing it into the house!!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

And the first prize in the Kazakhstan state lottery is .......

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

Council leaders were quick to deny any overmanning or "jobs for the boys" practices. Council chief Jimmy McNaeBackHandersHereHonestGuv said "it really does take four employees to one machine to operate some of our essential heavy equipment"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Apologies,I used the Ikea book" - more going on about specsavrrs

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lets bring sanity back to speed limits.
Drivers are like donkeys -they respond best to a carrot, not a stick .Road safety experts are like Asses - best kept covered up ,or sat on

"When you said you feel a bit crabbie this morning dear I thought you meant..."

"The car in front is definately not a Toyota"

"The suspension's a bit on the harsh side love"

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.

I'm not so sure Tone I've got a Toyota and I'm pretty sure there are some parts in common with this!"

Irate wife to errant hubby .... "I don't care if its the bargain of the century, I don't care if it flies and puts the bl**dy cat out at night ....just take it back, ram it up that salesman's a** sideways and tell him to exchange it for a proper family car you usless piece of *!$£*|^**)(**!! ... or don't come back at all!"

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You only need two tools - WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape. :0)

"Alright, the ride is not as smooth as our old family saloon, but your mother is going to love it and she'll look right at home in it when we take her out in it!"

Lada's chief designer had come up with a winner.
If it gets stuck in stationary traffic, it simply digs a bypass around the hold up.

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

I bought it on ebay, because I thought it had four bucket seats!

At least you're not going to find it jacked up on bricks with the wheels missing!

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Time to take responsibility for our actions.. and don't be afraid of speaking out!

Husband to wife....." Run that past me again. You part exchanged that new ferrari, that I bought you for xmas, for that!"

Wife to husband...... "well Ferraris don't come in that colour and that nice salesman did say it was more practical than a ferrari."

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My views do not represent Safespeed but those of a driver who has driven for 39 yrs, in all conditions, at all times of the day & night on every type of road and covered well over a million miles, so knows a bit about what makes for safety on the road,what is really dangerous and needs to be observed when driving and quite frankly, the speedo is way down on my list of things to observe to negotiate Britain's roads safely, but I don't expect some fool who sits behind a desk all day to appreciate that.

"Look honey, to be fair to the guy who sold it to me, I do think it has never been raced or rallied"

“Well at least I won’t be done for speeding anymore” (How did we not come up with that one sooner guys? )

“New sport proposed for the next Olympics: Big tyre rolling to ‘Jack’ 5,000 meters away”. (Sponsored by Yike; purveyors of fine food to make your stools so soft a puppy will want to roll them from the bog across the f n landing down the damn stairs and all around your house! ).



Do I get an extra brownie point for that one?

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The views expressed in this post are personal opinions and do not necessarily represent the views of Safe Speed.
You will be branded a threat to society by going over a speed limit where it is safe to do so, and suffer the consequences of your actions in a way criminals do not, more so than someone who is a real threat to our society.