Safe Speed Forums

Hi

After a minor collision, (3 weeks after passing my driving test) one which required a whole new drivers side of my car but resulted in no physical injury is it normal to experience stress and complete lack of confidence about driving? I have nightmares about it, suffer from insomnia, avoid complicated / new routes and feel sick every time I need to drive any where.

Is this normal and will it fade?

Is there anything I could do to boost my confidence at all?

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redrose

Different people have a different tolerance to such occurrences. Certainly it is common to exhibit stress-like symptoms. Your confidence - irrespective of "fault" - will be bound to take a dent, particularly so soon after being allowed to fly solo. If the drivers side copped it, the collision was only a short distance from you.


Classic symptoms that, to a greater or lesser degree, everyone experiences when they are expected to go outside their comfort zone. Unless it is getting worse, or almost pavlovian, it is probable that application of normal logic with time passing will pale the event into insignificance in the fullness of time. If it is becoming phobic, consider hypnotherapy - but not for the next couple of months. Let natural solutions have a good chance to work before splashing out on anything.
I say yes and yes, but with the above caveat.
You're doing mostly the right things. You've talked about the event, learned from it, you are recognising (I think) that the metal cocoon and its safety features are pretty impressive. You're also in good company here to help you not only understand road safety, accident avoidance and, if inevitable, damage limitation techniques.

One question: are you suffering any other stressors at the moment - relentless deadlines at work, money pressures etc? Any significant other stressors will lower the threshold of resistance to reactions such as you've had to the accident.

Sorry to hear about all this.

Checking, evaluating and developing your skills will build (rebuild?) your confidence. Joining the IAM would be a very good move.

I wouldn't normally recommend the IAM until you have a year's experience, but in a case like this I'd make an exception. How long have you been driving?

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Paul Smith
Our scrap speed cameras petition got over 28,000 sigs
The Safe Speed campaign demands a return to intelligent road safety

Thanks for your replies.

The other driver has admitted full liability as she changed lanes and didn't see me and that was a weight off my mind however it didn't make me feel any better. I don't have any other major stresses at the moment just everyday ones that most people have like not enough money, working too hard etc etc.

I would say it is phobic when I panic / sweat if other cars are in "my personal space".

I passed my test in May, this year. I am seriously considering doing my advanced drivers course, the only thing putting me off is that they meet on a Sunday and I sometimes have to work. Would they let you arrange it around shifts???

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redrose

Can't help re the shifts (because I don't know - others might). However, there are plenty of tips in here for maintaining a good personal space.

A lot of people sweat/get panicky for example when tailgated. I've been passenger in several cars when I sense a problem of nerves in the driver (hyperventilating, non-diaphragm breathing, pupil enlargement, white knuckles, sweat, twitching fingers... ). You are far from alone! If it is not because we've caught up traffic (controllable easily - hang back), invariably when I look around it is a tailgater. There is much very good information in here about eliminating tailgaters, thereby for the most part controlling your personal space fore and aft. Left and right is not quite so easy - but subtle throttle control can minimise periods of intrusion for sure.

tailgaters do bother me but those overtaking / undertaking feel worse to me.

Sorry for sounding thick but could you explain "subtle throttle control" for me?

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redrose

You don't sound thick at all, but I am a little concerned that we might accidentally embark on 'teaching you to run before you can walk'. (And that REALLY isn't intended to sound patronising - I know it does a bit but I've already reworded it three times! )

The 'subtle throttle control' Roger refers to is about slight adjustments to speed to control space or exposure. For example if you are being overtaken and you give a little lift then the overtake is completed more quickly. But it goes far beyond that. On a multilane road subtle adjustments to the throttle can:

- ensure that you spend most of your time driving alongside a gap, rather than another vehicle.
- when merging, match your position to gaps in the stream of traffic.
- manage the gap in front

It's about managing the space around you for maximum safety an comfort.

I really think you should give the IAM a go.

(And btw, if you are much troubled by 'undertaking' that usually means that you should be moving left more.)

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Paul Smith
Our scrap speed cameras petition got over 28,000 sigs
The Safe Speed campaign demands a return to intelligent road safety

Thanks Paul - perfect explanation of my intended conveyance.

ok, as far as gaps go, hopefully that will come with time. I don't feel experienced enough to judge that but will definately do my advanced driving and maybe learn it through that.

The undertaking thing is mainly on multi lane roundabouts / dual carriageways etc rather than on normal roads. If anything, I drive too near to the left especially when passing oncoming cars to minimise risk.

LOL I sound like I shouldn't be let out onto the roads!

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redrose

Obviously in a rush hour situation there will be two or three abreast, beyond your control to some extent. However, if traffic is not heavy, again by subtle throttle control and looking far enough ahead, it is often (but not always) possible to control your entry to a roundabout to not be alongside anyone throughout your negotiation of it. I do not have the fear you mention (at least not to the degree that I exhibit external symptoms). Nevetrheless, I ALWAYS try to do this, and for the most part succeed, as it simply minimises the places one needs to constantly look out for, allowing concentration on "head and shoulders" in the immediate danger zone.

Hi Rose! First all - perfectly normal to feel as you do when you have a bad experience like that early on in your driving career.


I think more deepish shock than PTSD ... but still something which you need to recover from.


It's normal reaction - my wife had this for a while after her own trauma. Lots of different symptoms. Wildy had all of them at one point in her recovery.

If you have most of the following - its PTSD.

1. Fear Fear of it happening again... (and fear of giving in to emotion as well)

2. Guilt Guilty feelings of surviving or being better off than the other party in this trauma.

3. Shame You feel ashamed for not having acted as you thought you should have done or having been seen as "emotional"

4. Anger It's usual to feel anger for what happened and at who caused it and at other people's seeming lack of understanding.

5. Disappointment for all the plans you had which the incident rendered impossible.

I suspect you are suffering from 1 and 4 above - but more a deep shock rather than PSDS based on what you say

If something happens with undermines you very deeply - and even a routine accident such as this one can cause a deep shock




After any shock reaction - it's important to get things back to "normal". Keep to a normal routine. The fact that you are on here chatting to get advice is good... this helps you address the problem.

To boost confidence quickly and in a time to match your shifts... book a one off lesson with your old driving school instructor. Confront these multi-lane roundabouts with him or a trusted member of your family. With this person or just yourself "talk yourself through each manoeuvre - looking in the mirror. Just by saying aloud that you have noted whatever hazard and intend to signal left/right to let him/her know your plan could help focus your mind."

Try to do a Pass Plus before your IAM. You can chat to your old instructor about this .. and this will give you a supervised motorway drive and a dusk ride - and with this - you can suit it to your own lifestyle a little more.

Being tailgated.. just ease off and assist the overtake by creating a space for Mr Numpty to move into.

Oh - and I am sure if you explained your situation - your local IAM would be able to find someone to observe and advise you around your shifts as well.

By the way - I'm a doctor - specialise in lurgies ... But if this shock reaction continues - do pay a visit to your GP.

In the meantime - try out a yoga class as this will help you relax and control your breathing when you feel stressed out. Dab your pillow with some lavender oil (it does work.. manages to get Wildy asleep anyway ). Keep active and try to drive the roundabout again with either your former driving instructor or a trusted pal.

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You sound like you'll end up one of the better drivers on the road, because you are clearly putting a lot more thought into the process of driving than most.

I have done the roundabout since the accident, although if I could avoid it I would. I think things are getting easier as I did the M6 today (phew)

I know I should do passplus before IAM but I had a motorway lesson and have driven in the dark on lessons so not sure that passplus will be all that useful. I do feel IAM will give me more confidence sooner.

Moggie, thanks I will see my GP if things don't improve even if it's just for some reassurance that I'm not going mad and,
Johnny, cheers

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redrose

Mad Moggie, having done Pass Plus, I found it not very helpful. Have you had a better experience of it?


RedRose

I'm not sure what your local IAM group is but generally the you'll be paired up with an observer and you arrange between you a conveniant time, my observer used to do saturdays, which was great for me, but he did the odd shift so we arranged to do an evening drive instead, there is a deal of flexibility, do shout out and your group should pair you with an observer that is available at times you are, if not try another group nearby.

Here are the IAM groups in North West England http://www.iam.org.uk/IAMGroups/region5.php

From what you've said you sound like a contientous driver, another suggestion, if you have a friend that you trust, go out for drives with them as a passenger you driving, it needent be long drives but half an hour or so just to get your confidence up.

I used to sit in with my mum, who used to be a nervous driver and found that doing this helped her a lot.

All the best.

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Gordon Brown saying I got the country into it's current economic mess so I'll get us out of it is the same as Bomber Harris nipping over to Dresden and offering to repair a few windows.

Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.

http://www.wildcrafts.co.uk

What was not helpful for you?

As you know our eldest learned how to drive properly almost twos years ago. He knew basic handling from go-karts and some playing around on private land. He had road sense from riding his bike and of course - we are rather keen on instilling Green Cross and General Road Safety and User Awareness into our young.

We booked his lessons at different times of the day - initially as a block of six lessons and then he went out with us for practice. We then followed up with another block of six lessons and he took his L- test.

We did not let him drive for a full 24 hours after passing his test as we wanted him to get the euphoria out of his system We went out with him for his first drive as a "qualified" driver and we followed at a very discreet distance when he did his first "solo". Two weeks after passing his test - I was his passenger on a very long tour of the M6/M61/M62/MJ60/M66/M6 loop. This was so that he could get a "feel"

He then completed a Pass Plus within three months of passing this. His experience was positive - but then he had completed most of the rubric with us as a learner and "brand new qualified"


He completed his IAM within the year and I think I have a steady young driver in the family.

In about three weeks' time - we will be following a similar pattern with our twins. These two show up the difference in gender attitude at close quarters. My daughter diligently completes all course work.. chats, more or less keeps to our rules. Her twin? Challenges every rule I lay down Completes his school work on the last minute.. revises for any test the night before the test.. returns home 5 minutes later than I said - each time .. and I learned when he was 14 years old that I would have to negotiate the rules a lot more firmly and harder than with his older brother But he's normal - I expect our kids to challenge the rules and negotiate with us within reasoned boundaries

Road safetywise? They are both sound and clued up. They are COAST aware already and they both know from early infant memories of their mother's ordeal that being hit at speed hurts. However, I am more than aware that my second son is a little sassier than my first one - and will be teaching accordingly





I agree - Rose needs a pal - one who will just be there and not say one word during the drive.

I tended to let my eldest evaluate the drive for himself afterwards and then add my observations. Wildy and self will be doing likewise with the twins.

And I also agree that IAM groups are sympathetic to personal timetables and will seek to accommodate.

_________________
If you want to get to heaven - you have to raise a little hell!

Smilies are contagious
They are just like the flu
We use our smilies on YOU today
Now Good Causes are smiling too!

KEEP SMILING
It makes folk wonder just what you REALLY got up to last night!

Smily to penny.. penny to pound
safespeed prospers-smiles all round! !
But the real message? SMILE.. GO ON ! DO IT! and the world will smile with you!
Enjoy life! You only have the one bite at it.

Mad Moggie, I found that in effect my instructor didn't offer much in the way of usefull information especially on m-way driving which is the main reason I went on it, it really seemed to me to be a check in the box exercise had I completed the 6 hours drive in the conditions detailed on the form.

Found the IAM to much more of use and IMO it is when I really learnt to drive. Am very glad that your youngsters got something usefull out of it

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Gordon Brown saying I got the country into it's current economic mess so I'll get us out of it is the same as Bomber Harris nipping over to Dresden and offering to repair a few windows.

Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.

http://www.wildcrafts.co.uk

I feel I have covered most of passplus either in driving lessons or in driving since passed. I would like to "drive with sparkle" so IAM probably is the best route for me.

I have also asked my sister to sit in with me for a few drives.

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redrose

I've been driving 7 months (nearly) now, I haven't done pass plus, and I don't think I will... I'm not even sure if you can do it here due to R plate restrictions, as pass plus is to be carried out within a year of passing your test and you are required to drive on the motorway... Being restricted to 45 we couldn't really do that properly... I know you can't do your IAM here until you've been driving a year due to the 45 restriction, as IAM requires you to drive at the limit, or at a safe speed if conditions do not allow limit (I think so anyway?)

I would also have to find an instructor for pass plus, as the guy that took for for the L test isn't qualified to do it, although he is working towards his ADI at the moment...

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Mike

Redrose - welcome to the site. FWIW I actually learned a hell of alot about my own driving from reading the site content and forum right here. The key is to learn to analyse your own driving, figure out what you're doing wrong and change it.

Don't worry about feeling uncomfortable about taking the roundabout that you had your accident on. Keep on driving over it and eventually you'll be OK. I recon it probably took me about 6 months to feel totally comfortable on the particular stretch of road again after my accident last year.

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